Of Relationships, Love and Lust

Relationships, according to Bengali contemporary art films, are the most confusing subjects in the world, one of the most confusing words in dictionary. They not only confuse those who are engaged in them but also those who are surrounding those direct victims. Relationship is given different names, such as Father-daughter relationship, mother-son relationship, boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and so on. But in almost all the cases it comes from the basic NEED, primarily. I need a girlfriend, and that’s why I, in my surroundings, will look for girls who can be my friend and can cater to all my needs that can be fulfilled by someone who is a girlfriend. Need is the base of all relationships, this can not be supported by people who will try to remind me, that when my dad and mom love me, they do it for no benefits or gain. They do it because they love me so much, and the relationship with my mom and dad is depended entirely upon that love and no proper needs. I agree to them in the point that they love me a lot, they definitely do so. But just think about it the way am doing it now – they love not me, but the guy who is their son. Now, am I not sounding more confusing than the word relationship? I am. But the fact is they love the son in me, and not me in particular. Had I not been their own son, they wouldn’t have taken care whether I am getting my meals properly, whether I am shivering in cold in the month of December, or whether I am learning the right things in life. They needed to love their son, and they are doing their bit. Purely biological needs, I should say. I just happened to be their son incidentally. They needed a son for two reasons, - one, they needed to carry forward the generations even after their death, - two, they wanted to find a prop in their wards who they believe would take care of them in future. Now, don’t think that I am telling all these things about my parents. I am just giving an example to discuss my theory, the scope of application of which is as vast as universe is, i.e. any other species of animals or plants might be doing the same on the other end of this earth, and who knows, on some other planet in this universe.


I loved a girl for many years. And she, to me, was the cutest and the most beautiful girl on earth. (I hadn’t seen enough of this earth by that time though, :)) And I kind of love her till now, even though she is happy with some other guy, who, I suppose, is able to fulfill all her needs more effectively and efficiently. I love her because… I can not complete the sentence. How deeply may I ponder over it, I will fail to find out one real reason with which I can logically establish there is a justification. Only thing that therefore now I can guess is, she was just the one I found out first in my life. There could have been many, but fortunately or unfortunately I couldn’t find any one of them before I found her. There was a fill in the blank question. And I had only one option (only one person) left for that blank (for that need/relationship) to be filled up. And just like the brilliant student that I was in my childhood, I filled up that blank and got full marks then. But now I find someone has given me the same question with the word in that blank deleted once again, and left with no optional answers (Pick a word / name / person on your own from the passage, oops your own life).


Lust is one more biological need that caters to both love and relationship needs. Lust is what is needed for the next generation to be created. Lust is what is necessary to make the so called love long-lasting. It’s the lust because of which we fall in love, we make love, we create relationships, and we spread relationships. It’s the reason why god or the anonymous superpower made the 22 pairs of humane chromosome similar whereas, the last (23rd) pair different for men and women.


Need is the word. Need is there, and love will sustain, relationships will attain success. Need is not felt, and umpteen number of divorce cases, ditching by one’s bf/gf, break ups and all happen. It’s very tough to sustain a relationship and tougher is still to be in love in that relationship. Because the toughest task is to make somebody feel that you are needed.


(For all my readers: Wish you a need-full life ahead!)

Just another Bong movie…

Antoheen – Endless… that was the film title. After a long time, after an endless wait I could watch a Bengali movie and relish it to my hearts content. I actually saw it a month ago, when I was enjoying my separation blues. I just had left office then, was having no job other than lazing around. And then I resorted to YOU… youtube, that’s like my cinema hall since I have reconnected my PC with the cyber highway, thanks to the ORTEL broadband connection and its 512 kbps speed which is making streaming superfast all the time. Bengali movies are not so great these days, that’s the common comments you can hear if you are in the crowd that comes out from the exit of any Bengali theatre hall after a show of contemporary commercial movie. That’s why people love to be happy with art films. At least, they are not boring, though people somehow associate boredom with art films. The only problem that I find in art films, and more specifically, in recent Bengali art films is that they always try to focus on human relationships… before marriage, after marriage, extra marital … all sorts. It’s always ok sometimes, but too much focus on extra marital affairs is taking a toll on public, I feel they don’t try to depict newer ideas, innovation has taken its wings. But here is one movie, a bit different in its style, a slightly different in conveying its message. Yes it’s also about relationships, the point of view that some relations are not as simple and as predictable as people can think of. But this didn’t have that escapist attitude, i.e. if you are not happy with what you have you ought to find happiness somewhere else, in someone else. It actually shows the joy to bear the glum of unsuccessful love. In fact success of love can be best defined not by how long people stay together, or how well people are settled in happily married life, it is actually is measured by how much one misses his/her love partner. Abhik missed brinda so much, but she is not there in this world any more. And it’s too miserable to see that Abhik could know this only after she left this mortal world, that this is the girl he had regular chats with, and whom he fell in love with. Too unhappy and saddening an ending. Still it depicts the central idea too well. Endless wait – that’s what we are compelled to do sometimes in life and you really can’t help it.


The movie, I am sure, must have had a great fan following in the modern Bengali youth. The way of showing things, the lifestyle of characters, the habits of people, trends – everything is so close to today’s young generation. People love to see the movies showcasing the way people communicate these days with text messages, yahoo messengers, internet chatting and all. They love to see CCD in the backdrop of a conversation over a cup of coffee. A lot can happen over a cup of coffee. Truly, so. And these days the movie makers are cashing on it. Coffee is doing its bit in popularizing things. And the subtly shoot scenes where the movie performed the promotional acts of its sponsors were so intricate and interesting. I loved the banner that was floating in a gust of air. It was showing the picture of air blowing gently. At the same time spice jet ad spiced the scene of this modern film, the prop is actually good enough to show that this is not a story of an endless wait of two lovers in Saratchandra’s classics. Similiary I liked all of them, the Compaq laptop, the reliance communication network, the popular Bengali news channel Star Ananda. This is marketing at its best.


Now, sorry to mention issues of marketing in praising an artwork of class. But frankly, I liked this movie so much I don’t have much word to say about it. The adjective ‘indescribable’ would best suit it. And I am sure it would, as myself have seen it third time in three weeks. After all I liked this movie because, who knows, like the light that fell on the Frida Kahlo’s self portrait in Brinda’s room, there isn’t also a beam of light that’s falling on my own portrait… who knows, it’s not showing the endless wait in my life as well. Now don’t make a question mark on your face. That’s a long story, and this blog is too small to tell you that tale. So let it be some other time. And indeed, “Certain things are best left unsaid.”

Rising in Love

The spirit behind choosing this topic for today’s blog comes from two things – firstly because Abdul bhaiya, in his P10 of CC manual delivered his trademarked-graceful-elegant speech with the same title and made me feel that sometimes it’s not just falling but actually attaining a higher elevation in terms of happiness, content, optimism, and what not, when you “fall” in love, – and secondly because I was literally feeling like ‘rising’ in love for the first time in my life, after falling in the same on numerous occasions.

Yes, I say it without any hesitation that I fell in love on so many occasions, first with that bubbly little pinkish girl of my 1st Standard who always snatched from me every little craftwork that I would make to make my creative and innovative skills speak out my aesthetic excellence, and then with that epical girl riya, who’s as far as galaxies are to me at this point in time, and all this while with those ephemeral glances of kohl-lined eyes behind sparkling spectacles, ready-to-burst-out figures behind those trendy lavish dresses at Park Street, the shy-looking-salwar-clad intellectuals in BBD Bag minibus. But, today it was different! “Today it was different!” can be the most frequent reaction after a lovelorn lass-loving lad dates with his latest lady-love. But trust me, today it was different… in the sense that this time I was dating with not my gal, not my would-be, not with any future prospect. I was with Rahul’s girlfriend all the time. Now, like inquisitive blog readers you must be wondering who’s Rahul. To tell you the truth, frankly, Rahul is the boyfriend of the gal for whom I happily and readily bunked today’s toastmasters’ meeting which on the other hand was like another girlfriend cum time-pass cum motivation till I last relinquished my hope of getting a gorgeous girl to spend Friday evenings with.

I love making websites, I love designing invites for party, I love making layouts for newsletters and that’s why I loved when they elected me to be the Vice President – Public Relations for our club. Now I have a little bit of regret that I missed today’s meeting and missed one important announcement that was to be made in order to make sure we meet our September quarter newsletter target date. But I loved this girl equally so much so that I resort to the management mantra that life is always some kind of trade off in some way or other, and you can’t help it. In this case, I traded in my responsibilities as a PR officer of a Toastmaster club for few more hours with HER in the constringed seat of the dingy stuffy bus that travelled through the narrow stretch of NH-2 clogged by scattered men and women out on pre-puja euphoria and waded through cacophonous din and bustle of the once-so-growing and now-breathing-its-last industrial areas of Howrah.

It was our 4th date overall, and 1st with none other but HER. We had few outings, but going by the lingo of software professionals, they can better be termed as team outings. We had a variety of people in our group, English first year, B.Com graduate searching-for-job, a would-be-getting-married-soon who’s as if enjoying her last few days of freedom, a pair of love-smitten students. And amidst that commonplace group of ours, we had regular exchange of glances, enjoyed a little pat at my back, slight touch of HER swaying hair, HER gorgeous grinning, chocolaty chortle, false frowns and all other fugacious phenomena that others were not interested in, but I would always be eagerly waiting for.

But today SHE was all mine. I felt like a king holding the hand of the empress, and enjoying the charms of HER Highness. HER soft hands were not cold like the other day. They were lukewarm, just as warm as it should have been to imply that our relationship is going to be a warm one. Used tissues which were lying here and there over the floor of my empty room, were reminding me of HER again. The folds in those paper balls resembled HER palm-lines. The bolster that bore HER touch marks resembled HER (at night). I was missing her, terribly.

I didn’t make out with HER, I was in no mood to do so. The only thing that I could make out from the experience that I had with HER, SHE is just like a bud, petals are still unfurled. And I would eagerly wait till the time, when it will be in full bloom, slowly but steadily, and spontaneously, and I won’t be the one like the guy in that book I gave her today to read. I can not be as desperate as Deb was, in fact I should not be. SHE is too innocent to be treated otherwise. A pearl or two rolled down HER cheek, smudging the kohl eye liners. It’s too precious to be wasted again. I am becoming a good guy suddenly. I am thinking about all the good things in life. I am just thinking about how carefully god crafted HER, so unique, yet so simple. “Of course I love you, till I find someone better” – was the title of that book. But don’t know why, I feel I can’t find someone better for me. Just like how Deb was rising in love with Avantika, I am rising for the first time in half-love, – half-love, with my half-girlfriend.